Posted by admin on September 5, 2008
I’d like to tell you a story…
It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be
alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a
particular woman.
At first, she was just another attractive woman… but the more
he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to
her… and the more time he spent with her, the more that
attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection
for her.
But there was one problem.
As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also
grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because he couldn’t tell whether or not she felt the same way
towards him.
Sometimes she would say things like “You are so important to me”
and “I’m glad that you’re in my life”… but nothing ever
progressed past the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek
from her… and once she even held his hand for a long time
while he talked about an emotional issue.
But something was wrong with the picture.
She just wasn’t acting like a woman that was “falling in love”.
She was acting like a friend.
The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified
itself… and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he
grew of “screwing things up” by kissing her or asking her to be
his girlfriend.
Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to
want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl,
the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew
how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way.
So he made a bold move.
He TOLD HER how he was felt.
He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything
to be with her.
She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said “Thank
you… I really mean that… but I don’t want to mess up our
friendship… you’re too important to me…”.
This only confused the man more.
He didn’t know how to take it…
Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was
afraid of something?
Did it mean that she wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that she didn’t love him, but that she was trying to
give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn’t tried hard enough?
Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and
REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn’t go on like this anymore…
he had to be with her.
He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be
with her… so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift,
and wrote her a long, long letter… again confessing his
feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened.
She didn’t reply.
He called her three times a day for almost a week before
reaching her.
She made an excuse about being very busy, and said “I’ll try to
give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up…
….but he never got a call back.
Over the following months, the man tried desperately to
understand what went wrong… and what happened.
THE END
OK, I’m back.
Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?
Heart warming, huh?
I know, I should keep my day job, and not take up writing
romance novels…
Now, let’s talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
And I’m not talking about FICTION here.
I’m talking about a story that rings true for a great majority
of men. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a
deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for most men?
Because we’ve all been there in one way or another… at one
time or another… and many of us have been there OFTEN in our
lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is
the powerful negative emotions that it stirs… as a result of
the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of…
Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.
They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to
UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation I think there is a solution.
And it lies in understanding a secret that women know but MEN
DON’T.
And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn’t
ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love,
convince her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON’T WORK, they actually make
things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a man does to try to make a
woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like him. They make her run.
All those great intentions and emotional dedication actual cause
the man feeling them to do things that make her go away.
It sucks.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to
you I’ll help you avoid this painful situation in your own
future…
THE “INSTANT EWWW”
I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always
understand the message that we’re communicating to others…
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message
that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying
to say.
Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it
that cost more than the car itself… with his stereo
blasting… and a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound
of the 4-cylinder motor…?
Have you ever thought to yourself “I don’t think that car is
communicating the message to women that he thinks it is”…?
Yea, I have too.
Well here’s the deal:
If you do something to “let a woman know how you feel”… but
she isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.
It’s going to trigger a feeling that like to call the “Instant
Ewww”.
The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and
emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a woman feels it, YOU’RE DONE.
It’s over.
It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start behaving
differently.
In short, she’ll disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?
I got it from WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww” when
describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his
love”… of course, these were guys that weren’t loved in return.
So what causes the Instant Ewww?
And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be
nice… a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he
feels?
Because if you think about it from HER perspective, you’ll
realize that the moment a you do something to “confess”, you
have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, women always know how men feel.
She already knew you wanted her.
She knew it from the beginning.
But now that you’ve started pursuing her and talking about how
you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY
uncomfortable.
You’ve triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it
does repel them.
In summary…
You can’t “make a woman like you” or “change how she feels about
you” by doing nice things for her…
Doing “nice” things for a woman who isn’t attracted to you HURTS
you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling
that makes it so she’ll NEVER like you.
Men make this mistake over and over again in life because
they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because
they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to
make them like you more… and you do some nice thing for them,
they will probably like you more.
On the other hand…
If you have a woman that you “like” in a romantic way, and she
doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for her
because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and
she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely
distance herself from you.
Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a
woman… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a
girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you
Well remember… if you follow this pattern yourself with women
who aren’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.
If she’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets
the “Instant Ewwws” and never wants to be around you again…
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where
you like a particular girl, but you don’t know if she likes you
back.
DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HER.
Don’t buy her a big gift and write a love letter…
Don’t send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says
“From your secret admirer”.
Don’t call her three times a day.
And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.
If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use
“The Kiss Test” that you learned on my website and in my book).
As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from
her to find out how she feels… and if you don’t know how to
read and create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a woman if she’s interested in your in a romantic way, or
if you are “her type” will actually DESTROY the chances that
she’ll like you.
Really.
The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation
in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women
have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you’d never ask…
The very best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for
you is to get yourself a copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating.
I’ve spent several years now studying the ways that men who are
“naturals” communicate using their words, voice tone, and body
language that makes them MAGNETIC to women.
And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.
You don’t have to be rich, handsome, or young.
And you don’t have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY man can learn it
if he wants.
But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”.
Many of the keys to making women feel ATTRACTION aren’t
“obvious” at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST
thing you’d do in a particular situation if you didn’t know the
SECRETS.
I’m telling you, this book will show you the way. I guarantee
that this program will INSTANTLY change how you behave around
women.
And it will start getting you results IMMEDIATELY.
In addition, I’d also like to invite you to sign up for my free
dating tips newsletter.
It’s free, there’s no obligation, I’ll never share your email
address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime
with no hassles (and no, I’ll never pull any of these tricks
where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to
remove yourself).
It’s JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies
for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers
and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even
free date ideas, and advice on how to take things to a
“physical” level smoothly and easily
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