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my female perspective on how to keep a female interested (who are already dating or in a relationship)

your girl,
vanae

song: polo club by the greenkeepers

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How can I get over the pain from having been cheated on in the past and trust the one I’m with? I’m so insecure that I’m destroying my current relationship.

Cheating and Infidelity Advice from http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/love-relationships/

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Westlife giving love advice and presenting matching songs. A bit cheesy but funny.

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It seems a natural for love to bloom at the office, and as much as we always hear that dating someone at work is forbidden, and discouraged and just not a good decision, people still do so in droves. It’s fairly easy to see why. You spend at least 40, and often 60 or more hours there together. Especially if you’re in a position of responsibility and you excel at your job, as do they, you both see each other in a very positive light. You have similar interests, mutually admire each other, and work closely on projects that culminate in satisfying, profitable conclusions. Or, at least that’s the ideal.

Still, most human resource professionals will tell you to avoid love at the office. Most will tell you dating someone at work is more risk than all but the most positive long term results would warrant.

Dating someone at the office can begin with love, but end with animosity towards each other, from co-workers or subordinates, jealousy from your mate or others who are attracted to your mate or see you succeed and wonder if you’ve earned it. Some liken the office to a family, and describe the animosity generated by the rumors that fly of favoritism due to love and romantic relationships to sibling rivalry.

Of course love at the office can have expansive legal repercussions. What began as a consensual relationship between supervisor and subordinate might not be presented by the jilted subordinate later down the road. Charges of harassment, blackmail, or even rape could result - and have. Repercussions can and do get felt throughout the office as the productivity turns from office tasks to spreading the gossip.

In a 2002 workplace study conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) 25 percent of U.S. firms expressly forbid dating someone at work, although 81 percent of the managers surveyed said that they frowned on love at the office. These 81 percent said that these romances usually lead to workplace conflict and were often downright dangerous. What’s really contradictory, however, is that this same study found that two thirds of those who found love at the office ended up marrying their new found love.

The message to take away from this is that while you may find that dating someone at work brings you a happy long term relationship you should keep your distance at work, and be as discreet as possible. If the relationship matters that much to you, it may be very sound advice for the one whose job is the least advanced, and who is best capable and willing, to find a new job once the romance starts to sizzle. Of course, the issue then becomes whether you really wanted to do that or if you’re later going to resent giving up your career for someone who wouldn’t give up theirs.

The other disadvantage of love at the office is that it can be just too much togetherness. Coming home to each other may be a whole lot more affectionate, exciting and fulfilling when you haven’t been toiling side by side all day.

As a therapist, I regularly counsel with men and women who are suffering with a broken heart. They tearfully plead their sincerity. Unfortunately, their fear often takes the lead of their focus and they switch to merely trying to figure out the formula or combination to get their partners to take them back again. They would rather get their own way versus doing the right thing. Be mature. Be consistent. Follow this advice.

1. Don’t Rally the Troops. This means don’t go around and talk with all of your partner’s friends, family, co-workers and worst of all, your religious leader. Men are especially prone to do this. This is a form of emotional manipulation based on guilt and shame and tends to only push your partner further away.

2. Don’t Fish For Reassurance. This no-no is a search for a ray of hope from the words “I love you too”. Don’t bait your partner with the proclamation “I love you”. This forces them to respond with “I love you too” which they don’t want to say. They may not give any response, which really hurts.

3. Don’t Repeatedly Ask Your Partner To Come Back To You. Each time you ask you are usually setting your chances back for another week.

4. Don’t Call. Don’t Drive By. Don’t Show Up At Their Work. Exercise a lot of restraint. This is very hard but it is crucial.

5. Don’t Try To Figure This Out By Yourself. Get a therapist or an equivalent to help you process your feelings and to develop the best approach. Telling everyone the business of your relationship will only undermine your goal and most likely make you look stupid.

6. Don’t Try To Be A Detective. Snooping around is a violation of their personal space. Don’t go through their dressers, their e-mail, or their car. Just because they aren’t feeling close to you doesn’t mean that there is someone else.

7. Don’t Send Your Best Friend As Your Ambassador. This approach works better than you going but you have to consider that you are only trying to gain leverage versus respecting their need for space and time.

8. Don’t Try To Make Them Jealous. If you do this you are playing games and not seriously making an effort to hear the needs of your partner. You’re also playing with other people’s emotions.

9. Don’t Talk Bad About Your Partner. Saying negative things about your partner or trying to get people to side with you by telling your partner’s faults or private matters is unforgivable.

10. Don’t Display Temper Tantrums. A lot of people use aggression to get their way but this reinforces your partner’s notion of why they left in the first place.

11. Don’t Use Children As Pawns. Children are effective tools to play with your partner’s heart. However, this does damage to the children and your partner will grow to hate you. Stop trying to get your way and begin doing the right thing.

12. Don’t Be Inconsistent.

Let’s say you’re a great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Great kisser. Unpredictable and you’re a ‘rare to find’. Your love is one of a kind, silly, fun and sweet. You have your own unique sexiness and you’re the most caring person every single girl wants to meet. And last but not the least, you’re amazing in bed.

Did I say AMAZING IN BED???

Frankly, if you’re doubting yourself then you have a big problem. Whether youâ??re actually bad in bed or just low on confidence, I canâ??t say. This is up to you to find out, while Iâ??m just doing some explaining for your convenience. The root of the problem lies in the very simple fact that it takes a lot of experience to know if a woman has an orgasm or if sheâ??s faking it. And even experienced men canâ??t always tell if the womanâ??s faking it or not. Bottom line: you can never be sure that your performance is top quality.

And thatâ??s even before we take into account slip ups and â??that timeâ? when you were too tired or too stressed or you had too much to drink and, well, you know what happened. Unfortunately, these things can erode a manâ??s peace of mind and confidence and make him suspicious of his ladyâ??s behavior, even if he shouldnâ??t be. Some times are good and some times are bad and thereâ??s little you can do about it. Loosing confidence in yourself and throwing good self-esteem out the window just because of a slip up is not the way to deal with this.

Okay then, put all the blame to stress. Stress is one of the great â??sex killersâ? nowadays because no man can truly enjoy himself if he keeps thinking about deadlines, bosses, nasty co-workers or credit card debt. We do live in a stressful world and the modern fashion that surrounds a man with dozens of machines in order to allow him to work harder and harder everyday is doing itâ??s best to ruin sex around the world. Iâ??m sure that many men who have to resort to Viagra would do better to try and relax a little and take things easier.

Aside from its direct impact on performance, stress has some side effects that are just as bad. Some men take to drinking because of it. It always starts small, since going out with the guys is fun and, hey, weâ??re just having a few beers. Before you know it the number of beers grows and the â??evenings outâ? turn into â??nights outâ?. Small wonder that a stressed man with a significant quantity of alcohol in his body is not performing in bed as usual. Men need to recognize the early signs of stress in their lives and take control of the situation.

Remember that once youâ??ve started asking questions about your performance you could easily slide into a pattern where low self esteem triggers a failure, which, in turn, sends self esteem even lower and so on. Try to be a bit more positive about things. You were probably tired or stressed. Or you may need to learn some new positions and break the bedroom routine a bit. If you are keen to get sex right then you need Lovecentriaâ?¢. Lovecentriaâ?¢ contains the very best in video, written and interactive sexual advice to ensure that bedroom faux pas are a thing of the past. For more information please visit www.lovecentria.com and surprise her with a new trick or a fantasy and be the world’s greatest love machine.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Has it ever happened to you or to people you know? What do you think attracts people to each other? Psychologist have carried out research that it takes us only a few seconds to make up our minds if we are attracted to them, and we decide their suitability as a prospective partner. Looks and body language are what we look for in the first instance. But we pick or choose points as to the persons history and their personality from their voice and the way they talk.

How is a busy and success woman going to find a partner for marriage in this day and age? Men do like to be the boss and if the woman earns far more than them, and she is more dominating in a business environment. Most men shudder to think what will the future be like with her? Even if, she is the sweetest person and more than anything just like the girl next door. It is a known fact that men are intimidated by a more powerful and successful woman. If you are man reading this article don not deny it.

What differentiates her from other females? Is it because she is successful in business and in life? Most men run a mile if she is more powerful. In this century, women are beginning to exert their presence in power, so this will be a problem for the man who is not equal to her and puts his tail between his legs and legs it. It remains to be seen if men will come out and start to be comfortable with the idea. Although, there are lots of women seeking to meet a man who exudes with power and money and can give them a better life than what they have presently even though they are not exempt for wanting their own success.

Parents can put a tremendous amount of pressure on daughters who have not yet married or met a man who has filled his space. Meaning who has earned the right to be in a financially comfortable situation and is able to provide the good life factor. Without digressing there still a huge amount of females still looking for their ideal mister right so, men need not worry too much as there are others for the picking. If they come across a woman who somehow has made it to the top without their help or support they have other kind of women who are reliant on men providing financial support for a better life.

Here is the situation: A powerful and successful woman who has been too busy to find herself a partner for marriage. What can she do, to change the situation? If she is clever which I think she is what options or strategy should she use to get her man? I believe you will have to go to the source or the honey pot which will not be easy to find. But, if you think about it you can solve the problem.

She will narrow her options; look for an intelligent, highly motivated man aged 30 plus. So, she can zero in on high-brow charities and political functions. She has to definitely re-work her image not easy if you have had a particular style for donkey years. But is essential as I will explain, she has to get advice from professionals( she can afford to) As a power broker her dress sense is geared to business, but to attract the right man it has to change to more sexier approach.

Women focus on their mental and emotional peer in a partner, men focus on looks and the chemistry first. Especially if she is over 35 she has to look at her appearance and work on that initially. It did not sit well with her changing her look as she has feminist instincts, but if she wants to attract a possible prospect to the table she has to overhaul her image. So, changing her style and having a private instructor (fitness) is essential to achieving her goals in dating.

Now she is getting somewhere; ok with all that accomplished she can network by attending balls and fund-raising events. But, it does not mean she will get what she wants. After her five year plan, now in the third year and after hundred and forty eight dates in the past three years and five relationships, two marriage proposals which she turned down.

She is still a single woman and still dating. Her friends either congratulate her for being bold, or frown and tell her to wait till she is chosen. Easy for some to say and think of the old traditional ways but if you are feeling left out and added peer pressure. What are you to do I ask you?

Love has many faces and forms, from that of a parent for a child or love of friends and family, to romantic love. Plus another that underlies all the rest that we may not even recognize. One that supports all other kinds of love, is the source of all love, and one we find at the heart of every relationship. That is Divine Love.

Divine Love is no abstract concept. On the contrary. Divine Love is reality here and now. Whether you believe only in Jesus as Christ, or only God, Yahweh, or Lord Shiva, the only things stopping you from experiencing it yourself are your own limited thinking and a closed, life-weary heart.

Can we experience it? How? Why would we want to? And why are so many of us stopping it when we want it so much?

Can you experience it? Absolutely. We all have the ability built into our systems. How? There are many paths, some more effective than others, some that resonate more within your heart than your neighbor’s. Regardless of which path you choose, the tips in this article will help you start or progress further on your way.

Not everyone is interested, but if you do want to experience Divine Love perhaps you: 1) want to be closer to God; 2) think there is something missing in your life, the “more” you’ve always hoped for; 3) or maybe you’ve read, intellectually know, or believe we are all Divine, but it sure doesn’t feel like it most of the time!

You’re far from alone in your quest. Individuals through the centuries have sought God, both collectively, and in solitude.

The whole aim of life is to bring us closer to God. This is a Truth. Sages have said throughout time that we are all One, all this is That, and we are all part of the Divine, etc. Do you believe it, or want very badly to believe? Belief is more difficult when we only parrot the words, even if we know intellectually that they must be true. What’s missing is the true experience, the inner certainty of Divine Love.

Think of Divine Love as a huge reservoir. It feeds into many smaller ponds and streams, some made by nature, others dug and formed by our own intentions. The reservoir never runs dry, but sometimes dams, landslides, or other acts of nature (or man) can block the flow and the love in that particular stream becomes isolated. We forget there was an abundant source feeding it, and begin to see limitations and boundaries where there were none. Then we have trouble in paradise.

This is the answer to another question: why, if you really want to experience it are you stopping it? You may not intend to put up blocks, but they nonetheless go up as you experience life.

All of us have known the surety of Divine Love at birth (whether or not we remember), and unless something happens to change our loving circumstances, that remembrance of Divine Love flows within each of us. The flow moves from us to our parents, and just as the law of physics states, “An object in motion remains in motion until acted upon by an outside force” so goes the flow. It keeps moving from us to others and would continue unimpeded throughout our lives unless something happened to stop it. In an ideal world all children would experience the security of the certainty of parents’ love and know, in their hearts that this is a given—deserved and expected.

But when your kindergarten crush doesn’t respond in kind, the heart is hurt. You withdraw just a little, to keep from being hurt again. That’s a block. When a friend betrays a secret, your trust is shaken, and you grow wary. When your significant other wants space or wants out, you are devastated. The flow of love has been constricted, and must work to forge new paths so it can flow again. With so much twisting of the flow of love, the source is cut off from the smaller avenues.

The good news: No matter how convoluted your path has been, no matter how far from Divine Love you’ve come, you can re-connect. The first step is incredibly simple: ask for Divine help. ASK FOR DIVINE HELP. It’s simple, but powerful. Don’t worry about the proper words, the proper time or place. Just ask. You may want to merge with the flow of Love, but the Divine wants it for you even more. But the Divine can’t act until you ask for help. Ask. Answers may not come right away, but your prayer has been heard and forces are already at work to help you. Answers may not come in the way you expect, but the Divine has a broader vision than you do. Trust.

There is more you can do. More than living a compassionate life and giving all you can (even if you don’t feel like it). Try this spiritual exercise:

Sit quietly and let your attention go to the area of the heart. Not the actual organ. Some call it the Heart Chakra, others the heart center. Simply feel that area and intend to open the heart. Maybe you will feel something, a physical sensation, an emotion, or nothing at all. Let the attention be easy. Don’t try to feel anything. Just have the intention to open the heart. Visualize it, if you can, as a flower bud opening, petal by petal, as an ever-widening circle, rippling outward, or imagine physical bonds around your heart that loosen and fall away. Once you’ve opened, ask that Divine Love flow into your heart. Then accept it.

Five minutes is enough to start. If that feels like too much, start with ten seconds, and work your way up over the next week or two. Repeat the process a couple times a day, and allow whatever happens to unfold. The more you do it, the greater the results. Give it time. Some of those blocks keeping us from experiencing Divine Love are big and ungainly.

There are other things you can do as well. Find a mentor, a spiritual teacher who not only has experienced that Divine Love herself, but one who can teach you how. The two don’t always go together.

A word about the Divine. Some lump spirit guides in with God and His helpers. But not all spirit guides are Divine. There are many other beings, some good, some not so good, that can influence us. A spirit could attach themselves to us and give advice freely, but if the spirit is not Divine, their advice is not always beneficial. The spirit of one who is not particularly highly evolved cannot help you to evolve.

Once you have reconnected with the source of Divine Love you will find that all other love is enhanced, a reflection of that higher love. Look at your sweetheart, at your child, etc. and experience any limiting factors fading. Where you once had a large pond of clear water (love) to give, now you do not just love from your own small heart anymore. The container that holds your love has opened to an infinite source, and the power behind your love is being continually renewed from the sweet, deep ocean of Divine Love within your own large Heart.